Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
