Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
