my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
