I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
