I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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