I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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