I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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