at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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