Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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