I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Soap is not a condiment
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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