let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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