At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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