I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
