Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
