those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Your dad touched me again.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My cat gives me a boner
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
