You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
