i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
