I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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