He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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