just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
