i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
