Your face is a jimmy john
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
