You just made me feel so damn special
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
