Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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