you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
