he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
