It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
