I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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