I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
