So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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