You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
