we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
