bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
