Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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