I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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