I'm eating all of the evidence.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
