And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
