At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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