dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
