You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
