i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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