He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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