I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
