i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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