Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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