I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
