tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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