i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
