consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
