dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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