Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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