mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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