He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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