forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
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We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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