Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
