Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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