I'm lost and stupid without you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
