Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
