I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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