Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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