I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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