So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
