i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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