so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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