i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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