Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize