talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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