Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
