i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
