I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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