Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
