Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
