Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
