DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
