Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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