Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
