Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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