took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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