Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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