he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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